Having sex can be tricky with two stoma bags — but I still do it three times a week

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from 23-year-old Anika*, a marketing specialist who lives with her husband, Jake*.

Since getting married four years ago, Anika’s health deteriorated. She was diagnosed with several chronic health conditions including ulcerative colitis, which caused her bowel to perforate in March 2023.

During emergency surgery, Anika was fitted with a stoma bag and mucous fistula (another type of stoma bag). She also suffers with enteropathic arthritis.

Anika has sex about three times a week on average, but her health issues have affected how she feels about intimacy.

She says: ‘Prior to my health declining, I could go at it several times in one day.

‘But, as I got more sick, I found myself enjoying it less, and suffering from more pain and discomfort each time.

‘When I was admitted to hospital, I felt less sexy than ever. As I was rushed for emergency surgery, I wondered if I’d ever have sex again.’

Thankfully, sex is now pain free again but with two bags, Anika says it can be a little tricky.

‘Sometimes you’re able to use smaller bags that get less “in the way”, but changing into these before ruins the spontaneity,’ she explains.

‘At times, we get irritated when the bags are between us, so I’ll find a way to integrate fun underwear to cover them, other times we just get creative with our positions and try different things.

‘The important thing to remember is that the bags are clean, sanitary, and they don’t smell – so there’s no need to be fearful of your partner seeing them.

‘Nothing bad will happen – it’s just a mental hurdle to adjust to.’

So, without further ado, here’s how Anika got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

Since my surgery, I haven’t been able to use the contraceptive pill. It’s not as effective for people with stomas, as you can’t absorb the hormones as consistently via the bowel.

So, I’ve switched over to the Evra patch instead. My patch change day falls on a Sunday and, by Monday, I always feel like my hormone levels are bouncing all over the place.

The upside? My sex drive peaks– a welcome distraction from the chaos of everyday life.

Today is a mix of work, hospital appointments, and endless chores. Not exactly the stuff of romance novels, but that’s life, right? By the time evening rolls around, the weather outside has turned bitterly cold. The chill doesn’t dampen my spirits, though—instead, it lights a little fire under me. Feeling bold (and a bit cold), I pop the question.

Ten minutes later, we’re in bed, cocooned under the warmth of the duvet. Jake suggests trying parallel sex, or spooning — a position we’ve experimented with before but abandoned because it was too uncomfortable for me.

Sometimes I get pain where I had my operation, certain angles pull on the scar tissue which I don’t like.

Still, I’m in the mood to give it another shot. And… success! While it works logistically, it’s not exactly a game-changer for me. The angle doesn’t allow for much sensation, and before long, we switch back to ol’ reliable missionary.

It might not win any awards for creativity, but there’s a reason it’s a classic. Within minutes, we’re both satisfied, and I’m left with that lovely post-sex glow. Not bad for a Monday that started off so humdrum.

Tuesday

The aftermath of last night was evident from the moment Jake woke up exhausted, yet content. It’s always satisfying to know we started the week off with a bang.

Between work commitments and a late shopping trip today, I’m rushing from one thing to another. But, somewhere between picking out vegetables at the supermarket, my mind wanders… and stays there.

I can’t stop thinking about the idea of giving him a blowjob — teasing, playful, and entirely satisfying in its own right. Something about the simplicity and intimacy of it lingers in my thoughts.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work out; no time, no opportunity, and by the time I get home, the vibe isn’t quite right. We both hit the pillow almost as soon as I walk through the door.

Wednesday

I wake up unbelievably horny. Maybe it was a dream I can’t quite remember or just the rush of a new day, but the need is undeniable.

Unfortunately, Jake has to dash off to work, leaving me alone with my thoughts — and my vibrator. A quick solo session gives me some relief, and I can’t resist hinting at him about it later. His response? Pure teasing, which has me on edge.

Evening comes and despite my body starting to feel the effects of yet another medication change, we manage a quickie. It’s spontaneous and satisfying, but my energy quickly wanes. By the end of the night, I’m feeling drained, both physically and emotionally.

Still, as we cuddle in bed, I’m reminded of the comfort his presence brings. Sometimes, it’s the quiet, non-sexual moments that heal you the most—especially when you’re learning to love your body again.

Thursday

Today is one of those days when everything feels… off. My hormones are all over the place, and my stress levels aren’t helping. It’s frustrating when your body doesn’t feel like your own, but Jake was amazing.

He knows how much I need reassurance on days like this — his hugs, kisses, and kind words were my lifeline.

Physical touch is definitely part of my love language, so even without sex, his presence fills me up in the best way. We spend the evening in a cocoon of comfort, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

It’s not a passionate night, but it’s exactly what I need to reset and feel loved. Not all days are good, but you can bring some good into every day.

Friday

Ah, Friday — there’s something magical about the end of the work week. The anticipation has been building all day with some playful dirty talk over coffee.

By the time the evening rolls around, I’m ready. My arthritis is flaring but this doesn’t kill my spirit, we just have to get creative with positions.

We start with Jake on top, thrusting from behind — a fun experiment, but it isn’t quite right for me. There’s too much pressure, and I can’t fully enjoy it.

He has a great time though, and we enjoy being close. Undeterred, we switch to me on my knees for some doggy style, which is much better, bringing him to a satisfactory (and messy) conclusion.

We finish with missionary, a position that always works for us and makes me orgasm loudly every time (which Jake loves), with lots of kissing and connection.

It’s a longer, more indulgent session than usual — exactly what we need to kick off the weekend and get us feeling steamy.

Saturday

Tonight, we have a party to attend, and I finally get to dress up for the first time in what feels like forever. It’s our anniversary soon, so I treat myself to some new lingerie – purple and sexy – which I debut tonight.

My sparkly top and tight black trousers make me feel amazing — even in my wheelchair, I feel like I can turn heads. Judging by the way Jake keeps checking me out, I definitely succeed.

I’m ambulatory so my wheelchair is for long-distances, I walk around in small spaces like in my house. Primarily it’s due to my arthritis.

The chemistry between Jake and I is palpable all night — little touches and lingering looks that build up tension. Tonight, stoma bags or not, I feel like myself and I love every second of it.

Sunday

Our week ends on a sentimental note: it’s the six-year anniversary of our first kiss. Some might call it silly, but I love marking those little milestones – it keeps the spark alive.

The day is full of affection, with several good snogging sessions that feel like a throwback to the early days of our relationship.

At night, we take our time with foreplay, something I’ve been keen to embrace more as my confidence grows post-surgery. It feels amazing to slow down and savour each other without rushing to the finish line.

The sex itself is brilliant, full of connection and joy. We lay tangled up afterwards, and I can’t help but think about how far we’ve come together—and how much more we still have to explore.

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