Half of women have been dumped for this reason — toxic masculinity is alive and well

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‘It’s not you, it’s me’ is one of the generic explanations we often reach for when it comes to a breakup.

But women have just revealed a far more alarming reason they’ve been dumped by a partner, and this one rests squarely with men.

Nearly half of women (44%) believe they’ve been broken up with because of their feminist views. You know, the movement fighting for equal rights and opportunities to our male counterparts? Yeah, that one.

According to the global study by dating app Flirtini, 62% of women also believe that being a feminist has made it more difficult to find a partner.

‘Some men can feel demonised by a narrow or misinterpreted definition of feminism that portrays it as anti-male,’ psychotherapist Naomi Magnus, founder of North London Therapy, tells Metro.

‘This misunderstanding can cause defensiveness and resentment, with some seeing feminism as an attack rather than a movement for equality – and this is especially true if they encounter aggression or exclusion, which can create pushback against feminist ideals.’

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To understand why feminism seems to be so contentious right now, consider the wider political climate: not only is the US President the same man who said being famous meant he could ‘grab [women] by the pussy’, a growing anti-abortion movement continues to gain momentum throughout the Western world.

Offering a glimpse into how the divide has bled into people’s personal lives, the latest season of Love Is Blind saw two relationships imploding as a result of differing ideologies, with Sara Carton leaving her fiancé at the altar because of his ‘traditional’ views and Virginia Miller ending things with her husband-to-be after he refused to take a stance on abortion.

Right now the zeitgeist is abuzz with concerns about how teen boys view women too. You only have to look as far as the Netflix hit Adolescence, which follows Jamie Miller, a 13-year-old who murders his female classmate after being radicalised by incel culture.

He represents the swathes of young men who have been ‘Tate-washed’ by radical misogynistic views online (like those espoused by influencer Andrew Tate, who previously said there’s ‘no such thing as an independent female’). According to Ipsos and King’s College London, about 20% of UK men aged 16 to 29 look favourably on Andrew Tate, while 70% of teachers have reported a rise in sexist language and behaviour in 2024.

Although high profile women – Angela Rayner and Michelle Obama to name but two – have managed to succeed professionally despite this adversity, that doesn’t always translate to success in the dating world.

In fact, 72% of women believe that this success is intimidating to potential boyfriends.

‘Some men can feel a bit intimidated by successful women because of traditional gender roles that tie masculinity to being the main provider,’ therapist Naomi explains. ‘This can make them feel insecure or worried about not measuring up.

‘A woman’s success can shake up their sense of identity and make them question their own achievements and what’s expected of them, which can create challenges in relationships.’

Depressingly, in an effort to assuage these perceived anxieties men have, 61% of women have lied about their career and income, scared that revealing the truth would ‘turn their date off’.

However, Naomi suggests this is a bad idea, both because it prevents you from being your ‘true self’ in a relationship and due to the misunderstandings and resentment dishonesty can cause further down the line.

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If dulling down achievements isn’t enough, more than half (59%) of women have been criticised by their other half for not being feminine enough in terms of their appearance and behaviour.

Some men also still have an issue with women embracing their sexuality, as a whopping 64% have been ‘slut-shamed’ by their significant other for the way they dress or their sexual experiences.

It all sounds very regressionist. But Naomi says it’s not surprising that perhaps more men than women seek traditional gender roles and have more dated views.

‘Both men and women can be interested in traditional roles in relationships, but society tends to push men toward those roles more often,’ she says.

‘There are strong expectations around masculinity that suggest men should be the providers and decision-makers. As a result, men might be more inclined to want that traditional dynamic, while women are generally looking for more equality in their relationships.’

Take Eliot Donovan from this season of MAFS Australia, who had an extensive list of criteria for his bride, including that she be more of a homemaker and that she wasn’t ‘super opinionated’ or ‘loud’.

His list of demands received major backlash from viewers, but even when women try to conform to certain mens’ antiquated ideals, it seems to be a case of ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’.

If we care to have a partner who is financially stable we’re called ‘gold diggers’ or deemed ‘too demanding’ – labels 63% of women have been ascribed.

And Naomi explains that she’s had a number of women come to her with generalisations about men after an abysmal dating app experience, which shape how they’re feeling about men and what they expect from them. This then creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, where men and women become further alienated from each other.

Stereotyping can make dating really tough, says Naomi, and if you want to be successful in finding love, much more compassion is needed from both sides.

‘It’s super important for both men and women to talk openly about what they expect, their fears and their values,’ she adds. ‘Showing each other empathy and understanding is the way to go.’

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