I’ve swapped long sessions for quickies – my sex life has never been better

I stirred awake as he placed his hand on my hip.

My boyfriend, Alex, fidgets a lot in his sleep so I thought nothing of this movement at first – but as his fingers grasped harder at my skin, I realised his true intention.

He was horny and wanted to have sex.

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I glanced out of our bedroom window and noticed that the sky was brightening, but the sun wasn’t up yet. It was probably around 5am.

But it was Saturday, meaning I had nowhere to be and no complaints.

Grabbing Alex’s hand, I pushed myself closer into his body without turning my head. After nearly two years together, my boyfriend is well attuned to what makes me tick. 

He started kissing my neck – which is my sexual kryptonite – and seconds later, our bodies were entwined. The sex was quick, dirty, and absolutely delicious but it only lasted 10 minutes before we both ran out of steam.

I didn’t really fancy an orgasm and when asked if he would like one, Alex yawned before uttering, ‘Too tired’.

That was that. In a few minutes, we were back asleep.

This wasn’t the first quickie we had that week – it wasn’t even the first one we had within the last 24 hours. The previous evening, we randomly shagged for 10 minutes (hot, filthy sex) before deciding to pick things up later.

I love having a quickie. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I prefer it over an hour-long sex session. But I didn’t always feel this way.

Once upon a time, I thought that the longer you shagged, the better it must be.

When I was in my mid-20s, my female friends and I would have debriefs at the pub about the sex we were having. One of the key things we discussed was ‘how long it went on for’ and I definitely bragged about my sexual stamina from time to time.

‘We had sex for two hours, he couldn’t get enough,’ I’d tell them.

Sometimes, I’d admit that I had quickly become bored but occasionally, I’d leave that little tidbit out of the conversation. It wasn’t just about boredom; sometimes, I was actually in pain.

My sex life with Noah* is a great example. We had been fun buddies for a while and he was good fun.

Noah was also great in the sack – but we usually met up after a night out. The first time we slept together, he told me that it takes him ‘forever’ to orgasm when he’s had a few drinks.

I laughed and told him ‘We’ll be fine’. But I soon realised the ‘problem’: Noah is quite sizable in the trouser department. 

Let it be known that I appreciate all penis sizes, and his certainly felt amazing. But my vagina soon started feeling very sore.

After 40 minutes or so, I found myself flinching from the intense friction and yet, I didn’t speak up. The trouble was that I had always taken great pride in giving my partners’ pleasure, so I felt I should keep going until Noah got his happy ending.

This was my first mistake.

Eventually, when we were both covered in sweat from the sheer exertion of our shag, he climaxed. My second mistake is that, back then, I wrongly assumed that the time you spent having sex was somehow a marker for the quality of sex. 

It wasn’t until years later, when I was more confident and sexually experienced, that I realised the truth. A quickie can be just as good – if not better – than an all-night-long sesh.

Most likely, Noah was probably exhausted and trying to please me as much as I was trying to please him. Or perhaps he felt pressured to orgasm – though I can’t know for sure.

Either way, neither one of us was winning.

I am far from the only woman who has dealt with this type of situation. I’ve heard many female friends talk about giving blowjobs until their jaws lock up or having to cool down their vulva and vagina after a little too much rubbing and penetration.

I don’t blame men – blame gets us nowhere. Besides, my male friends and lovers have shared tales from their perspective, too. 

Many of them just want to be considered good in bed and I think some also fear being labelled the ‘One Minute Man’ in their social circles. It’s time we all embraced the quickie for what it really is: Great sex on your terms.

These days, I will only have sex for as long as I enjoy it. I have decided that if my body or mind says ‘You know what, that’s it for today’ – it’s OK. 

As for how you handle this with a lover, the same rule applies whether you are coupled-up or single. Communicate your needs but choose your words gently. 

Explain that you need a break or that your mind has wandered – but make it clear that this isn’t anyone’s fault, and especially not theirs. And remember, having an orgasm is not always the end game.

To me, the beauty of the quickie is that it gives you just what you need, when you need it.

Consider it an amuse bouche – a bite-sized treat ahead of the big meal to come.

*Name has been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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