I thought he would blow my mind in bed – within 2 minutes I was bored

A couple of years ago, I was standing outside Luke’s* flat , watching him fumble excitedly with the keys to his front door. My body was shivering with anticipation of what’s to come.

After spending hours flirting with fleeting touches while on a date at a restaurant, we both hit our limit. All the way through dinner, my mind kept playing deliciously dirty scenarios of our entangled bodies.

I had been waiting a very long time to have sex with this man, even before that night

Aside from the fact that Luke is gorgeous, we had an instant connection when we first met several years ago, when we shared a passionate make-out session in my friend’s kitchen and both wanted more – but the timing was off. 

He had just split from his girlfriend and wasn’t in the right headspace. We added each other on social media but he got back with his ex shortly after and I moved away. 

And that was that. Until fate finally threw us together again. He randomly slid into my DMs to say happy birthday and we started talking again. Snooping on his profile, I also noticed that he was now single.

On our date, it felt like no time had passed since our kiss. The banter we enjoyed was still there and our spark was just as alive as ever.

I thought we were in for an incredible night of sex.

I was wrong. 

Minutes after arriving at his flat, we were in bed and physically speaking, I assumed the sex would be good. Luke knows his way around a woman’s body but for some unknown reason, his movements felt clumsy and we just weren’t aligned. 

The neck kisses weren’t landing in the right spot, my hair kept getting stuck and the rhythm was off.

I hate to say it but I was a little bored.

The more I tried to enjoy myself, the more I realised that Luke and I might have a strong physical attraction, but our sexual connection was non-existent.

The fantasy I had built up about us in my head for years came tumbling down like a ton of bricks.

These memories came flooding back to me last week when I was scrolling through Facebook and accidentally landed on the dreaded ‘Suggested Friends’ section.

As Luke’s face stared back at me through my smartphone screen, I felt a little bit sick at the memory of our bad sex. I swiftly clicked ‘Remove’ on his profile but that uneasy feeling stuck with me.

Perhaps you have similar stories from your sexual past of moments when the build-up was better than the result. It’s actually quite a normal situation, in fact it’s happened to me more than once.

Years ago, I learned that bad sex can also rear its head even if you once had great sex with that person.

The first time Damian* and I slept together, it was nothing short of explosive. 

We had sex on our second date and it was so good that I could almost hear my body cheering – a loud, euphoric ‘wooooo’ – at the pleasure I was experiencing. Afterwards, I sat in bed with a scrambled brain and a goofy smile on my face.

So you can imagine my surprise when we met up weeks later and the sex was distinctly mediocre. It wasn’t bad per see but I noticed that Damian only seemed to have a few set moves in his sexual repertoire.

The intensity I’d felt on our first encounter wasn’t there, either.

Perhaps it was the change in environment (we were at his place this time) or maybe we were just a one-hit-wonder.

I think one culprit was the concept of ‘newness’. The first time we had sex, I had no particular expectations but now that I knew the pleasure that we were capable of creating together, the pressure was on.

Either way, my body didn’t let out a cheer – this time, it was more of an agreeable nod.

I have more examples – like the guy I spent months having exciting naughty chats with on the phone but had awful sex with in person. Or the shag that was so bad that we both wanted to leave afterwards.

A bad sexual connection is no one’s fault. 

The simple truth is that disappointing experiences in the sack are a natural part of sex.

And sometimes, our hormones and senses lie to us. Your body encounters a person who smells or looks ‘right’ and foolishly tells you that a great shag will come your way if you go down this particular path.

But here’s the good news: This is all very normal.

Whether you’re with a new or past lover revisited, there is no way to predict if the sex will be good. If the outcome isn’t what you hoped for, allow yourself to feel sad, if that’s what you need, but don’t dwell on it.

As your sex life evolves and you try new things, your tastes change. So don’t let one (or more) disappointing moments put you off trying again in the future.

If you really want to make it work with someone, give it another go – you might find that great sex is a slow burn.

The magic isn’t always there when you want but it can also turn up when you least expect it. Some of the best sex of my life has happened out of the blue with people I never saw coming.

My top tip? Embrace the unknown. Life – and sex – is much more fun that way.

*Names have been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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