New Year, New Sex – why you should reinvent your bedroom activity in 2025

Standing in a dark sex shop, I try not to laugh out loud at some of the truly strange contraptions hanging on the wall.

My boyfriend, who is inspecting a humongous dildo on the other side of the room, looks equally perplexed.

We are here with one mission: To find a sex toy to use together, which is something we’ve never done before.

Our sex life is already pretty good but it’s become a bit routine, so when he suggested visiting an adult store together, I jumped at the idea.

Grabbing a leather whip from the wall, I run it over my hand – before whacking it over my wrist. It feels surprisingly gentle. 

‘Let’s get this,’ I tell him. Looking over, his eyebrows shoot up but it’s quickly followed by a smile.

As we pay for our new leather toy, I feel a little silly but I quickly brush the thought away. Neither of us has used such an item before and the thought of trying it out with him, regardless of whether we love it or loathe it, excites me.

(Spoiler: Although this took place many years ago, I still remember it as very naughty and fun; the leather left a delightful tingling on my bum).

All of this to say, it’s never too late to take a chance and switch up your sex life with something new.

As we grow older, most of us inevitably settle into our sex lives. Human beings like routines and quick, easy routes to pleasure, and we also lead busy lives, stressing about work, mortgage payments, the kids – you name it.

Basically, we’re exhausted, and stress-free sex is always tempting. And so it makes complete sense that we favour the same position over and over, rather than opening up the Kama Sutra.

We can’t crack out the leather whip every day or we’d get nothing done.

While there is nothing wrong with having a formula that you turn to time and time again, it can mean that your bedroom activities become stagnant. And that you sometimes lose sight of your true sexual self.

Sadly, I’ve spoken to many people over the years, young and old, who confess that they feel stuck in their bedroom activities.

Some of them hold back for fear or embarrassment in trying new things – especially if it is a sex act outside of the norm. Others have forgotten who they are in bed or feel the sex is ‘good enough’, so why bother making it great?

But just because it does the job, doesn’t mean it’s as good as it should be.

I can understand these feelings but throwing caution to the wind, in and out of relationships, has actually served me quite well over the years.

To give another example, not too long ago I was visiting a friend on the other side of the world. We were at a bar when I decided to sneak a peek at one of the dating apps on my phone. 

By chance, I had matched with a British expat. He was very cute but more importantly, his banter was excellent. 

The problem was: I was feeling a little out of sorts in my life at the time. I’d had a stressful year and shagging wasn’t at the forefront of my mind.

So I longed to shake things up and feel like the ‘old’ me for a night. The bold, carefree and fearless me who wanted desperately to just have fun.

An hour later, I put my friend in a cab to head home to her boyfriend and promised to check in with her as soon as I arrived at the stranger’s house. I also shared his address.

That night I had some of the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. Not only was this man particularly talented, sexually speaking, but we also had a really great connection. It’s hard to explain but sometimes, two bodies just fit really well together. We had sex for hours and the conversation flowed, too.

It was so good that I returned the following night for round two. I still remember taking the bus to his house, giddy with excitement at the prospect of seeing my lover again.

At the end of the day, if you don’t take the chance, you’ll never know. It’s about giving yourself that jolt of excitement that comes with the unknown and the space and freedom to try something new. 

Many people assume that once they are a fully-fledged adult who has regular, enjoyable, sex, that’s it – they’re done. 

If you’re happy with this mindset, then I’m not here to mess up your game.

But if you’re yearning for something new, don’t let your past self hold you back. Don’t assume this is as good as it gets. 

Never had a threesome? If the thought fills you with excitement, perhaps it is time to give it a go.

Previously shied away from anal sex? That’s fine, we all start somewhere.

Of course, if you’re in a relationship, it can be a bit tricky to navigate a new sexual journey. But if you do this with care, respect and take baby steps, it can absolutely be done – as I know well. 

I’ve had partners who were more experienced than me and vice versa. The biggest tip I can give you is to remember that everyone has personal boundaries and it’s never OK to cross them.

But that doesn’t mean that you should stay quiet about your desires.

A great way to approach this is to simply have a chat about fantasies and things you’ve never tried. Maybe make a list together and then tick off which ones you’d be willing to try together. If the answer is none – that’s OK, just keep going. Part of the fun is trying to find what works for both of you.

You deserve to be whoever you want to be in bed and so does your sexual partner, whether that’s a one-off, or with the love of your life. 

With a new year on the horizon, this is the perfect time to rediscover your pleasure.

Welcome your new sexual self with open arms.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.