January is notoriously the month when couples break up, with so-called ‘Divorce Day’ falling on the first Monday after New Year’s Day.
One survey by Yahoo! found that between the December holidays and Valentine’s Day, people are more than twice as likely to consider breaking up than any other time of the year — and there are a few reasons for this.
For one, it’s thought that the busy festive period is the last straw for many relationships, although people tend to wait until January to avoid a messy break up over the holidays
‘December is a very high stress month,’ explains psychotherapist Dr Karen Phillip. ‘Money is often tight, anxiety is heightened and time is stretched.
Speaking to The Independent, professional dating coach Jacob Lucas adds: ‘Tensions start building up and building up, before they explode a little bit, like a pressure cooker. Then it goes to the point of: ‘I’ve had enough of this, it’s been too much.’”
Additionally, it can be a case of taking stock of things in the clarity of the New Year.
Michelle Smith, divorce financial analyst, told New York Daily News she typically sees an increase in marriage breakdowns around now, commenting: ‘Divorce can often be on the New Year’s resolution list. You think, “What do I want from my life this year? I don’t want to be unhappy anymore.”‘
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It may sound a bit sad, but this is also the time that couples try to seek help. Almost a third of therapists notice a marked increase in the number of enquiries for couples’ counselling services, with big spikes after Christmas and into January.
Lindsay George, BACP therapist, said: ‘There’s something about January and not wanting to go into another year feeling like this in a relationship that brings people to re-evaluate their situation and seek additional support.’
To help relationships make it through, a group of six BACP therapists called ’the couples collective’ offer free advice in the form of a handy booklet.
BACP's tips for couples to avoid conflict this Christmas
- If you’re welcoming lots of guests, be aware of people outside the relationship who can add pressure.
- Allocate roles and responsibilities appropriately.
- Remember, Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect – try to be flexible.
- If cost is a concern, have a budget plan and stick to it.
- Manage your alcohol intake, and remember feeling low during a hangover can cause conflict.
- Respect your partner’s boundaries – some people love this time of year, but not everyone does.
- If you find you or your partner is getting snappy or stressed, take a quiet moment for yourself.
- Working as a team will help you tackle the pressures of Christmas together.
According to the couples collective, the issues people come to them with these days are vastly different to those of five years ago.
Relationships are now forced to navigate socio-economic challenges such as the cost of living crisis, issues over jealousy stemming from social media use, or desires to pursue open relationships.
The pamphlet is broken down by these topics, and shares tips on how to work through problems with each other – or when it might be time to see a therapist.
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