Okay, but why is Scrooge so freaking screwable?

I want to screw Scrooge, and by the time you’re done reading this, you’ll probably want to take his clothes off too.

I’m not actually saying Michael Caine or Patrick Stewart, both of whom have played Scrooge, are my heart throbs – although Young Scrooge aka 1992 Raymond Coulthard can certainly get me going.

But after flicking on A Christmas Carol recently and watching pre-epiphany Ebenezer be so ignorant, all I could think was ‘I could change him’.

Let’s face it, if you took Scrooge’s personality and put him in a 6’4 dark and handsome mystery man’s body, we’d all be keen to tie him down.

He’s aloof, emotionally unavailable and downright grumpy. But who doesn’t like their men a little bitter?

I’m not saying it’s healthy, but a bad guy who is good just for you? That’s my bread and butter.

Ever wondered why the Scrooges of the world are so alluring though? Hayley Quinn, dating expert for Match, explains: ‘When it comes to forming a connection with someone, it’s often the “morally grey” personality that stands out from the crowd versus someone who is too “vanilla”.’

So you may find that you’re drawn to the morally flawed or complex characters naturally to add some “spice” to your relationship.’

Hayley also reveals that the ‘I can fix him’ mentality is a fundamental draw to men like Scrooge.

She says: ‘We can be drawn to these complicated characters because of the inner desire to try and fix or change someone with the hope that if we do, not only will they be eternally grateful to us, but we’ll finally receive the relationship that we want – moulded by us.

‘It can appeal to our ego if we see that someone has great qualities but there’s something holding them back from having a relationship with us and we can get drawn into a battle to change who they are to receive the relationship we’re after.’

And why can’t I get Scrooge and his ‘bah humbugs’ out of my head? It turns out it’s his ‘confidence’.

Hayley explains: ‘Scrooge is ruthlessly dynamic and self-centred. What’s applicable to everyday life is that his self-interest could be read as confidence and assertiveness, which are traditionally attractive qualities for men.

‘But the qualities he possesses at the end of A Christmas Carol, when he’s reformed, is not only confident and assertive, but the ability to be generous, kind and empathetic – is the kind of well-rounded individual that makes for a good partner.’

So clearly I just see potential, are we on the same page now? It’s not like Scrooge has no redeeming qualities. He’s a successful businessman and earns a lot of money – Forbes even ranked his as the sixth-richest fictional character with a net worth of £8 billion.

He’s independent and would never be suffocating. He’s also stubborn but is willing to reflect on his actions and past mistakes (after a little convincing), as well as being very honest.

And it’s those glimmers of good that apparently make us horny for the Dickens character. But be warned, trying to change a love interest can come at a personal cost.

‘Often, the more effort we put into changing someone, the more attached we feel to receiving the outcome of the relationship with them, even when it becomes increasingly clear that it won’t work out,’ says Hayley, adding that it might be detrimental to the Scrooge in your life too.

‘Although a totally human complex, the “I can change them” mindset is a bad one. It means that we’re projecting an image into the future of what we want the relationship to be like, rather than accepting the person for who they are today.

‘We’re also relying on the ability to change them to have the relationship we want when really, someone’s ability to change comes down to them and their choices and actions.’

But I never said fancying Scrooge was going to lead to a healthy relationship (which is what we all should pursue). I’m just curious to see if I could be ‘the one’ to change him – or rather be the ghost of Christmas past, present and future all in one 5″6 blonde bundle of determination.

The likelihood of a modern-day Scrooge changing for me is slim but even Hayley agrees it’s not impossible.

She explains: ‘Yes, people can change but they have to come to their own decision to do it. And often, and ironically, losing out on a relationship or seeing someone they care about walk away is a catalyst for that change.

‘Sometimes, when staying with someone and overlooking their morally dubious behaviour, we become complicit in enabling them to not make changes they need to make.

‘Whilst change is possible, we shouldn’t be going into relationships with the expectation that they will change.’

So, whilst our sexy Scrooge in the pages of Dickens’ book did change and ‘was better than his word… and infinitely more’, that’s not to say the Scrooge I’m imagining would be so introspective.

However, a lot of us are guilty of having the hots for the Scrooges of the world and maybe this year there will be a Christmas miracle.

This piece was originally published on December 20, 2023.

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