Do men ever truly get over their first love?

No other love is quite as romanticised as the idea of the ‘first’ one.

Whether you met them at school or later in life, you might find yourself reminiscing back to your early days together throughout your life.

As they say, other loves come and go but you ‘never really forget’ your first one. Except, is that really true?

The internet is awash with ‘men’s first love theory’ – AKA, the idea that they’re particularly attached to their first love, perhaps even attempting to mirror or replicate their relationship with future partners.

As part of one Reddit thread on the first love theory, many men poured their hearts out over the loss of their first loves.

‘My first love to this day is the only one I care about. I’m celibate now because nothing else works out and I can’t really feel love in that way for them,’ @Spyro7x3 lamented.

‘I won’t ever get over her. I love her and want her too much,’ @Diligent_Cost3794 added. ‘I dream about her and think of her always.’

Over on TikTok, @flowedinee wrote: ‘I asked my grandpa how he met my grandma, and he said that he married my grandma because when he saw her, she looked like his first love.’

However, the concept has proved rather contentious, as @MongoBobalossus penned on Reddit: ‘If I was still with my first love I’d be miserable or divorced.’

‘Teenagers aren’t known for being the most patient and mature people out there, so if I had jumped into marriage with the first person who showed me love and affection, I’d be super divorced right now,’ @MiddleZealousideal89 added.

For @TheLonerCoder, it’s obvious that it’s ‘not just a male thing,’ as ‘most people subconsciously look for people who resemble their exes.’

So, what’s the truth? To what extent do our first loves shape everything that comes after? Metro chatted to the experts to find out.

Is men’s first love theory true?

As Lovehoney’s sex and relationships expert Annabelle Knight tells Metro, the idea that men might never get over their first love is a slight ‘romantic exaggeration’ – but she still believes there’s a ‘nugget of truth’ there.

‘First loves can leave a big impression on us because they’re a first taste of deep emotional connection, and let’s be honest, we all tend to romanticise our past a little,’ Annabelle explains.

‘That said, it’s not a universal rule. Some people grow and move on completely, while others might hold onto those memories as a benchmark, whether consciously or not.

‘But here’s the thing: the way someone feels about their first love says more about them than it does about their current partner. If someone seems hung up on the past, it might reflect unsolved feelings or even nostalgia, not necessarily the person themselves.’

Elsewhere, Pure’s dating and relationships expert Beth Ashley argues that the ‘first love theory’ is inextricably linked to purity culture, which ‘romanticises the concept of “firsts” as something sacred and irreplaceable.’

‘The idea of “soul ties,” for instance, perpetuates the notion that people—especially men—remain emotionally tied to their first love forever,’ Beth tells Metro.

‘This narrative is problematic because it implies that men are passive in their romantic lives, incapable of growth, and doomed to compare every future relationship to their first. In reality, humans are far more complex.

‘People of all genders have the capacity to grow, learn, and form new emotional connections that are just as deep, if not deeper, than their first. While first loves can leave a lasting impression, they do not define someone’s entire romantic future.’

How do our first relationships shape our future ones?

Naturally, our first loves are usually our first experiences of relationships – if we consider our first romantic relationships to be our first loves, that is.

For Annabelle, they’re like ‘training wheels for the heart’ as they teach us ‘how to love, how to communicate, and how to cope with vulnerability.’

‘For many, they’re bittersweet because they carry the intensity of our “firsts” – the first butterflies, the first late-night talks, the first heartbreak.’

But it’s not just about the love either: our first sexual experiences can shape us, too.

‘The first time you have sex with someone can also feel particularly powerful because it’s often wrapped up in this whirlwind of emotional and physical discovery,’ Annabelle adds.

‘That intensity can make it hard to replicate the same spark straight away in future relationships, as no two connections are ever quite the same.’

However, in Annabelle’s view, it’s important not to get too wrapped up in first loves – as it is possible to replicate that passion in subsequent relationships.

‘That level of passion isn’t exclusive to first loves. Over time, as you build trust, emotional depth and confidence with a new partner, you can recreate and even surpass that intensity in a way that feels more mature and grounded,’ she concludes.

‘No matter your gender, your first love is often remembered fondly because it’s tied to that youthful, heady stage where everything feels new and exciting.’

This is a position Rachel MacLynn, CEO of MacLynn Matchmaker Service agrees with, describing it as ‘part of the larger narrative of personal and relational growth.’

‘As life unfolds, we continue to evolve, redefining love in ways that reflect our experiences, values, and aspirations,’ Rachel tells Metro.

‘While it’s not accurate to suggest men (or anyone) are incapable of moving on, the impact of their first love can inform how they approach future relationships.

‘How someone processes or moves on depends on their attachment style. Some may idealise their first love, while others learn and grow from it without lingering attachments.’

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