Cheating is, understandably, widely condemned in the world of sex and relationships, but more often than not, it’s ‘the other woman’ who gets vilified.
While words like ‘mistress’ and ‘homewrecker’ get thrown around, there’s no equivalent for men.
And, while an affair might seem scandalous, sexy even, the reality is far from it.
In a recent Reddit thread, more than 100 women shared their experiences of being the other woman and, while they know their actions are questionable, their responses prove there’s always more to a story than you might think.
Once a cheat…
One Redditor (@TumbleweedFast7964) revealed that she ended up falling for the charms of an older man – and it didn’t end well.
She wrote: ‘I was young and stupid in my early 20s and ended up dating someone 20 years older who had been seeing someone (I didn’t know about the other woman when I first started seeing him).
‘I fell in love and he gradually stopped seeing the other woman.
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‘Then a couple of years later, he ended up cheating and dumping me for someone else. I had to learn the hard way that cheaters always cheat.’
With a man more than double her age…
‘I was involved with a married man when I was 18,’ wrote @katsmeow_13. ‘He was in his 40s and was my professor in one of my classes.
‘I knew he was married, but he told me they were separating and didn’t love each other anymore. I was young and stupid and didn’t think too hard about it. We met in class, and he invited me to have coffee and discuss career paths in his field because he said I was “uncommonly talented”.’
The pair began seeing each other in office hours every week as well as talking after lectures. She doesn’t even remember how they began sleeping together or when it became a ‘full on relationship’.
‘At first it was so hot and made me feel so wanted and sexy and grown up, but the longer it went on without him leaving his wife, the worse it made me feel,’ she added.
‘His wife found out and reported us to the university. I lost my scholarship based on a “morality clause”, and he faced no consequences.
‘They stayed together, I switched majors and avoided him for the rest of my time in college, but I felt truly awful whenever I saw his wife (and eventually their baby) around town.
‘Karma certainly came for me, but I like to think I learned from the experience.’
The ‘what if’ guy…
We’ve all had that crush where the timing has never been quite right. One of you is always in a relationship or unable to commit, but you both long for each other.
For @starsinthesky12, her affair was with her ‘what if’ guy. ‘We had briefly dated before he moved away for work and had a really intense connection,’ she wrote.
‘We kept in touch sporadically over the years but once I started dating my partner I cut things off because I felt it wasn’t fair. He popped up again a few years later and was messaging me frequently and flirtatiously, this time it started to feel like it was emotional affair territory. I found out he had a girlfriend this time and cut it off again.
‘Another few years pass and he gets in touch. Me and my partner had broken up and I was feeling extremely vulnerable and sad and it felt like maybe this was finally our chance to explore things.’
He told her he was newly single, which made her think it was ‘fated’. There were lots of promises made and hints at grand gestures that were just around the corner – but it was short-lived.
She explained: ‘He came home for a visit and we slept together and he ghosted me. I was still emotionally f**ked up from the break up, so I let it go. I had a nagging feeling a few months later and did some social media digging. Turned out he was not newly single – he was newly married.
‘It was tough to accept because I realised the entire time I was clinging to this idea that we had some extremely deep connection when really he just used me for sex and had no respect or genuine care for me.’
What she had thought was a ‘soulmate bond’ left her feeling ‘used, foolish and discarded’ after a five year period of emotional codependency.
‘I couldn’t stop wondering if he ever cared about me (no) and why she was good enough to commit to, but I never was,’ she added.
A horrible betrayal…
At 21, @Imaginary_Comfort447 had an affair with a 36-year-old who she knew was married, although he promised her his relationship was ending.
‘Even then I felt rotten about it. Just bad,’ she wrote. ‘I had really low self esteem and anxiety and I foolishly believed what he said at first. I even tried to convince myself it was fate, since we had been friends at work first and I’d even babysat for him (truly terrible). It wasn’t.
‘My gut feeling was there because it was a horrible, horrible thing to be a part of and a horrible, horrible betrayal to his wife. To this day it’s the thing I regret the most in my life and have had to go to therapy over the guilt.
‘I was sabotaging and cheating in other relationships because I felt like I didn’t deserve to be good or treated well. Ultimately, I can’t take it back and the hurt caused by my role will always be there. I still jump to talk about how sh**ty I was and how much of a selfish and stupid mistake I made.’
The affair happened 11 years ago and she’s now married to someone else, but when she thinks of that clandestine relationship it makes her ‘stomach sick still’.
A family situation…
Our final Redditor revealed how her relationship with a married man began at full speed after they met through mutual friends on a night out.
‘We hit it off right away, started hanging out and having the sex,’ wrote @1800_Mustache_Rides. ‘So many red flags I ignored.
‘I could never go to his place because of his “family situation” which he would “explain to me in time” – I was so stupid.
‘Anyway turns out that family “situation” was a pregnant wife and three kids all under the age of six.
‘He broke down and told me the day his fourth child was born. Needless to say I never saw him again and had some choice words.
‘I never told his wife I just left it, I don’t know if that was the right thing to do but I’m sure I won’t be his last and karma will catch up.’
Do you have a story to share?
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